Is · This · A · Kissing · Book?

found your mittens behind a box of pictures
you would wear them before i brewed the tea
that's one memory i can easily conjure
a weary memory i can always see

found your rosary broken into pieces
every night, by the bed, you'd kiss the beads
those are moments that i can always relive
weary memories i can always see

found a photo of you when we were married
leaning back on a broken willow tree
that's one memory that i choose to carry
a weary memory i can always see

When the painkillers kick in...it's indescribable.

And now, onto something else

Working at 2:30 today.  Yesterday went by quickly and entertainingly, so hopefully today will be the same. 

Odd dream last night.

I worked in some sort of office building or something with all of the people I normally work with.  I was sitting at my desk in my nice little cubicle when Nancy came by handing out the paychecks in the form of cash.  She gave me like 16 dollars, so I was bummed.  Then Jeremy came over to my cubicle and chatted about this and that.  Then there was a lot of stuff I don't remember.  Then I was at this place where there was a lot of jasmine hanging about, and Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs was there (I watched WAY too much of that show yesterday) and I guess in the dream I had a crush on him, and he kept acting like he was interested...I don't even know. 

After that I was at my dad's old house, and that same arrangement of jasmine was hanging between his cinder block wall and the giant pine tree that was there for like 35 years until the jerks that moved in cut it down.  I guess in my dream it was revived.  Mike Rowe lived around the corner and a guy that looked exactly like my grandpa lived next door, which scared the hell out of me and made me sad because even in my dream I acknowledged that my grandpa was dead, even though the tree wasn't.  So, I guess I had been taking a shower and some crisis occurred and I ran outside in a towel, and my dad was like, "Oh, we should tell Mike." and started dragging me across the neighbor's lawn, under the jasmine, and around the corner. And I was like WHAT THE HELL, I'M VIRTUALLY NAKED HERE.  Totally embarrassed. So I broke away and did this sort of spastic jog back home, even though a little part of me kinda wanted to see him.  Thinking about it now really weirds me out.

So moving on from that, because I think it ended...there was then some deal with this underground fighting ring that stuck some weird werecat thing in a ring with a freakish winged hell bat and they were duking it out pretty savagely.  The whole atmosphere was really dark.  I remember I could barely see the creatures fighting.  The werecat was really sleek and grey with dark stripes, with really long pointed ears. 

Like this. Sorta.  Only, you know...with a mouth...an angry, toothy mouth.  And even more sleek and angular.  So while that poor creature was fighting the hell bat, I was in the upper booths, looking for something, but I was foiled by a group of vampires....then something sexy happened, I feel....but I don't remember it.

Then there was some other deal where I was with my sister and her friends going to some formal event.  I wore this weird, kinda gothy dress that I wasn't overly fond of, so I folded down the upper half of it so it would be hidden and look like a sleeveless in some clever fashion...although later I changed it back to the way it was and discovered it was a little more Victorian than I had thought before, so I ended up liking it. So anyway, first there were these children whose father was forcing THEM to fight each other for some reason...then they all buried some big jar of pickled potatoes or something in the yard where we were sitting...so we sort of ignored them and then someone said we could start lining up to go into this weird house...then the pussycat dolls showed up and did some dance number that had me thoroughly confused.

That is all.

No one likes me.

And my mother thinks I'm exaggerating when I said I never got attention in high school.

But moving on.

So my mom found my cat outside this morning.  Apparently my window screen was open all night and he scarpered.  But he stayed in the yard...I find it odd that this happened because yesterday Drew said "What do you think would happen if Henry was outside all night?" Hmm.....

I'm going crazy with the development for my story.  I've never stuck to one project so consistently and for so long...I mean I've had the same stories in my head for years apiece but I've never worked on any of them for so long a time and in such detail...I went to the library yesterday for research...I'm creating character profiles in the form of company files for human resources...the organization has a logo, an address, and phone number.  The characters have social security numbers.  It's freaking crazy.  And I like it. 

I'd say more, but my thoughts are interrupted constantly with the knowledge that I have to get ready for work.  So off I go.  Just another day.....another long....boring day.

Don't get married. Or I swear to God I'll club you in the face.

You people...you fucking barely out of highschool/sometimes still IN high school MORONS.  You're doomed. Chances are your parents divorced, right?  Yeah.  Or they were psychos that you WISH would have gotten a divorce.  Or they were just psychos together in wedlock but I challenge you to find ONE THING about it that was magical.  I mean, I've only known two married couples in my entire LIFE that were stable and happy.  And they sure as hell weren't married out of HIGH SCHOOL.  Sweet JESUS.

And then there are those of you to which the broken home does not apply.  But involvement in religion does.  And that has BLINDED YOU to the harsh realities of life.  You will be so. Very. Unhappy.  And I sorrow for you.  You think if you both have God then he can keep you strong and make your bond holy and untouchable. You are a fucking idiot.  Mutual belief in something doesn't mean it's going to change the person into something better.  Sometimes it does, if people really take that to heart.  But the truth of it is not a lot of people do.  It's a mask they wear "just in case".  Just in case the apocalypse comes and God says WHERE ARE MY BELIEVERS, they want to be on the escalator to heaven.  A fair weather Jesus freak.  Believe all you want in heaven and divinity, if you don't misinterpret shit, it's GREAT.  It really does make you a better person, I believe.  But you MUST learn to tell the difference. 

But that's just overcomplicating it.  Just don't get married.  I shouldn't have to rant at you to make sense of myself.  It's stupid.  Pointless.  Worthless.  Expensive.  And doomed to fail.  Because no one keeps their fucking promises anymore.